Shortfalls

I find that I fall short in so much of life. My house is never clean enough, never organized enough, the laundry is always in a pile somewhere (clean, but unfolded; folded, but not put away; not done and overflowing from the hamper; or currently, all of the above - and yet there are clothes in the closets and drawers...clearly we have too much). Work is never finished, although I do need my paycheck to make ends meet and so it is always mostly done. And then the kids, they never have enough of my time, enough of my niceness, enough of my playfulness, enough activities. I feel like I am always apologizing, which frustrates me, but I am apparently physically incapable of not apologizing even when my heart and head are saying "it is okay, your house is okay, you have a busy life, people get it without being told!!!"

Anyways, this came up today because my mother-in-law is here watching the baby and a cousin stopped by to visit, prompting the apologies. My mother-in-law totally understands and truly does not care about how my house looks. The problem is, she remembers her house looking this way. Growing up, my house never looked this way. There are four kids in my family, my mom volunteered for everything, carted us all over creation as we all played a sport, took piano and girl scouts, and who knows what else. She kept the house pristine, the laundry done, and dinner was hot and on the table when my dad arrived home from work. There is lots of backstory to that, but the point of this is that my house growing up is the utopia I cannot reach. Obviously I am not a stay at home mom and therefore, do not have the time during the day to devote to volunteering at the kids school or doing that kind of stuff. Incidentally, I work from home and do have time to devote to the house since I don't have co-workers talking my ear off all day. Not that it helps...

The point of this post is that I have accepted these things - I have little kids and a demanding job, things just will not get done. Sometimes I will be overwhelmed by the fact and other times, I will deal with it just fine. This post is about Bento Box Lunch boxes. WTF, moms?! Do people really do this? Out of love? I can't. I just can't. I can't wrap my head around these heart shaped sandwiches and butterfly cucumber slices. Why? Do you people love making these lovely lunches? Also, do your kids eat this shit? Because mine eat like 3 things. And it doesn't matter how I dress up those veggies, they will only eat broccoli and tomatoes, so don't even bother. I tried. I bought these little sandwich and snack containers, because they were cute, but also to save on baggies. Unfortunately they require daily washing, so the kids only get to take them 2-3 times/week as the rest of the time they are sitting in the sink.

Some people think the "teat-nazis" are ruining it for all moms. I think it's the bitches posting these lunch boxes to pinterest.

Thanks for listening!
~Erin

Friendships are Amazing

One of my closest friends is pursuing a diagnosis for her youngest that may be rather serious. Or at least the name conjures up scary feelings. If she had told me this a year ago, I can picture myself with lots of "oh my gosh, are you okay, i'm so sorry" hand-wringing. But when she started telling me about it weeks ago, I was not wringing my hands. I felt bad for her, but I did not sit around cringing and fretting. I asked what specialists she was seeing, what therapies they were recommending; we talked about the county early intervention program. Instead of making her dinner, I made her a binder to use for all the paperwork coming her way.

I did not think twice about that conversation at the time, but rather was reflecting over the weekend and as our conversations replayed in my mind, I thought about how strange a place I am in now. This place of "oh okay, something is up with your kid. let's talk about all the things", not "oh no, what to do? where to go? how to deal?" Because these things just do not seem so big and hard to handle any more. The schedule juggling and finding sitters for kids to commute downtown to spend the day at Children's. The waiting for results. And the scheduling of all the appointments. All of that is stressful, sure, but not really because they are things you can do - you can see this specialist, do that therapy, and there is always something on your schedule, something you do for this awesome kid in your life. And knowing that you are doing all the things makes it easier to deal with; the unknowns, the what elses - those are the hard things.

I certainly do worry about her and ask how she is doing. But, I know, and I get it, and I can empathize. This is my life. This is her life. This is the life of a mother with a special needs kid.

While discussing the craziness of how both our kids need these services, she said to me "You would be my person to talk to through all of this, and you are going through it too, you get me. And I feel so blessed that I can go through this with you." It is sick and bizarre to think you feel glad your friend is going through this, but so awesomely amazing to know that your person totally gets this.

Thanks for listening!
~Erin

She moves! She moves!

The baby started moving herself around last night. I have not actually seen her scoot per se, but she manages to move herself decent distances to get to what she wants. I put her down on the foam mat so I could help the other girls work on homework at their table. I kept moving papers and the princess's folder away from the baby, who was trying to destroy it with her feet, when I finally realized that I had moved the same thing away from her multiple times! So, I replaced the folder with a toy and sure enough she scooted over to get the toy. Then she realized the mat was more fun.

The baby used her feet and toes to pry the sides off the mat. Then used her feet and legs to maneuver the piece so it stuck up enough for her to grab with her hand, so she could chew on the piece of the mat!!! The pictures show what I am talking about here. She went on to pry off a couple of the big squares, separating the square from the letter inside. Her determination was so strong she did not even notice her daddy coming home. Too cool!!!

Thanks for listening!
~Erin