FUZZ!

The munchkin walked into our room, saw her blanket on the floor, and said "Daddy, there is fuzz on my blanket! Can you please throw it away?" It was a split second moment, but for my husband and I, it was a rush of memories. From the time she was rolling over until about 2 years old, the munchkin was terrified of fuzz. She would point at carpet fuzz or stuffed animal fuzz and screech until someone - usually the princess - swooped in and threw it away. I have no idea what sparked this incredible fear, but she was terrified. If you came near her with fuzz she would scream and cry as if it were a spider (for me at least - maybe not everyone hates them the way I do!). I completely forgot about this huge phase of our lives until that moment this weekend. I now have a mental note to make sure I include this factoid in her baby book, something I forgot to do when filling it out on her third birthday (the second child gets the shaft around here - I just filled out her "baby" book!).

Strange fear. I wonder if she will always hate fuzz just a little bit and for no particular reason!

Thanks for listening!
~Erin

Impressive

I feel like my last post totally ragged on my four year old for being overweight, which was totally not the point. The point was, I have this issue that I have been carrying around forever and am terrified of imparting on my kids. Lately the princess has been blowing my mind with her vocabulary (once again!). She ran into the kitchen the other day and said "mom, I am going to show you something that will really impress you" - okay, that sentence alone impressed me! Then the next day, I brushed her hair out of her face and she said, "It always falls back down, so I prefer if you tuck it behind my ear". Seriously, "prefer"?!

And then there is the talking with her hands. Not in the toddler way of flapping hands about as she tries to gather her thoughts, but more in a perfect imitation of the way I use my hands to exaggerate a point. It is so adorably distracting to watch her tell a story, using her hands to help you visualize or understand the importance of what she is saying.

And then the questions. She still has "why" as her favorite word. And sometimes I feel like it would be easier to stand in front of a firing squad than handle the question bullets she shoots at me in rapid succession. But, I cannot complain because she listens. She rarely asks the same "why" question again as she remembers the answer. Her questions follow a train of thought until she feels satisfied. We once spent 30 minutes discussing lighthouses before she moved on to dinosaurs. This morning on the way to daycare we talked about the Earth's atmosphere and she was able to ask me questions referencing other things we have talked about in space, things that happened on Mickey Mouse Clubhouse Space episode, and things in the Dr Suess Space book. It was amazing to see her pulling from her own knowledge base to ask deeper questions. After we got through the atmosphere, we talked about bird migration and then where souls go after death/who goes to Hell. Of course, by the time I dropped them off - all before I had my morning cup of coffee - I was mentally exhausted, but also super thrilled with my little smarty-pants :)

Thanks for listening!
~Erin

Self Esteem Issues

We talked about being fat, getting fat, getting skinny, being skinny, etc a LOT in my house growing up. I can remember my mom going on tons of fad diets, putting us on diets, rewarding skinny and being hurtful about being fat. I never want to do that to my children. I thought it would be easier, though, because I am so adamantly against "fat" and "skinny" talk. Yet, I am finding it is hard. Very hard.

My four year old has a little belly. She is by no means a chubby kid, but I see her not flat stomach and worry that she is overweight. I look at my best friend's kid, who is the same age, and she is so skinny, which makes me worry about my daughter. I have to constantly remind myself that my friend's daughter had to see a nutrionist to try and gain weight. Every kid is different. My four year old does not need to be skinny! She is freaking four years old!!! At her 3 y.o appointment the dr told us to switch to 2% milk because her BMI was a little high and I totally freaked out. At her 4 y.o. appointment she was fine. But, still, I worry. I know we don't eat as healthy as we should (obviously, my husband and I are both overweight), but we do try to get the kids balanced meals. Lately, food has become an issue with the princess. She asks for more food, but when offered only the "healthy" options, declares she is too full and so we let her get down from the table being "full". If all we have is frozen pizza for dinner and she asks for a 3rd slice, we say, "why don't you wait a bit and see if you are still hungry? If you eat that slice, you might get too full and then have a stomach ache". But that isn't really why I am saying it, in my head I am thinking "3 slices is way too much! You'll get fat!!!". We have succeeded in avoiding using the words "fat" and "skinny" to talk about bodies, which is a huge thing for me. But, I still worry too much in my head.

A few days ago a friend of mine posted about her son asking for a snack and then consuming 4 bowls of cereal. My first thought was "4 bowls?! holy cow! that's amazing!". But, then I started thinking, what if it was my kid? Would I let her have 4 bowls? Definitely not. Because that would be too much food. But is it really? If the kid is hungry, let them eat, right? I don't know. I also wonder if my kid was a boy, would I even worry this much? I probably would not. And that's awful.

I am working on being healthier. I am 20 pounds lighter than I was a year ago when I got pregnant. We bought a treadmill a couple weeks ago and I am doing the couch-to-5k program. I feel better about exercise. I feel good about talking to the kids about exercise. I am glad to have my younger sister as a role model for healthy living (she exercises and eats healthy, but also enjoys ice cream almost daily - she has good balance in her life and never stresses these things in terms of body image). So, for me, in my head, I am working on my issues. I just wish I could figure out how to change them faster for my kids sake.

Thanks for listening!
~Erin

Toddler Speak

In other speaking news, the munchkin says "don't" instead of "doesn't" and always adds an 's' to her verbs. All day long we are treated to
"it don't fits here"
"it don't works"
"it don't spills"

And I love it, I want to capture it on film, and roll around in the adorable-ness of her cuteness. As much as I pushed the princess to talk clearly and move past the toddler-speak, I cling to these cute little phrases the munchkin says.

Other things she say that I adore include -
"hook" for hood
"jammits" for jammies
"p-jammits" for pajamas

And the way she says the princess's name - it is a short name but the munchkin turns it into a mouthful.

Thanks for listening!
~Erin

Growing up!

A couple weeks ago, the princess said something to me that included the word "regular". And then she looked over and said, "I have trouble saying that word. Can you tell me how to say it?" And I think a little piece of my heart broke.

Since she was young, her vocabulary has been phenomenal. At 18 months she could talk to my mom - who is hard of hearing - on the phone and my mom could understand most of what she said! She has been talking so well, and so clearly, for so long that it rarely phases me anymore. I used to marvel at how well she spoke. But, this one word - regular - was always a challenge. She says "reg-le-are". I have never worked to correct it because it was really the only semblance of "baby-speak" she had. I kind of liked that she still had this young trait! But, now she recognizes that she says it incorrectly. That fact alone blows my mind. And ever since we worked on it - "reg - U - lar" - she has been working hard to say it correctly and to correct herself when she slips back to "regleare". I am amazed at how self aware the princess is. I just hope she always recognizes that as a good thing and does not let her overly self-critical mindset get in her way!

Thanks for listening!
~Erin

Postpartum Needs

I have (thankfully) not had too many postpartum emotional meltdowns, but tonight I came close! Luckily, my husband was on the way home and I could let him know - via text - how I was feeling and what I needed. Thank goodness for text messages, otherwise I would have had to risk being set off by something he said or didn't say! The last couple days I had some stressful personal stuff going on, when combined with the end of the week pent up feelings, lack of sleep, and a three-year-old who has taken to waking us between baby feedings at night made for a tough day for me! So here is what I learned and hope to remember for future rough days: 1. Fresh air is critical. Get up and go for a walk with the kids or at least stand on the deck with a cup of coffee. 2. A shower, especially when the husband is home or the kids are napping, can erase all feelings. If there is time to shave and lotion, do so. It is like wiping the emotional slate clean. 3. If there is no time or energy to tackle the cleaning, run the vacuum. Having a clean surface will suffice. If there is time and energy, run a Clorox wipe over the bathroom counters and toilets. Takes 10 minutes!

How are we doing?

This is the question I get asked the most. We are doing fine. Great, actually! But I'm not sure everyone buys that - and based on the number of compliments I get about how "great" I look, I don't think the reason is because I look disheveled. I guess people expect we would be struggling or it would be difficult to process. The thing is, for me, there is very little to process at this point. We knew her arms would be short, we knew she maybe had some fingers. Tests showed her organs to be good and all her other bones to be growing fine. And then Maggie arrived, perfectly healthy, with five working fingers. We still have all the same questions we had before - what caused this? What other issues might she have? What can we do to help. But, now, instead of lingering questions, we have doctors appointments and tests to help us find the answers. As we get some things answered or at least ruled out, we will have more to process and as Maggie grows and the effects of her limb reduction become apparent, we will have hard times. 

I think that there were people in our life hoping and praying that she would miraculously grow arms. Right up until the day she was born. And now that she is here, and they can see she does not have arms, it is hard for them to face that. There is a grieving process associated with the loss of that hope. Grieving that loss does not diminish in any way how much they love Maggie and recognize what a sweet baby girl she is. So, I hope our friends and family who were wishing for the miracle that did not happen, do grieve and do not feel guilty for doing so.

That being said, I am not in the same place. I never prayed for a miracle or that Maggie would grow arms. I do not have any regrets about that - when we first found out at our 20-week ultrasound, I barely prayed at all. I just got lost in thoughts. It was not that I was mad and NOT praying, I just found it hard to focus. I was shell shocked and not sure what to think about, so I just generally prayed and thought about everything that was going on and figured that I would eventually be able to reorganize thoughts into directed prayers. After the tests and the visits to Children's, it was fact that she was missing bones and science that the bones would not grow. So, to me, praying for that miracle seemed pointless; I prayed for an otherwise healthy baby. Also, based on the outpouring of love and support from family and friends, and the amazing resources and stories we read on the internet, I really started to see what a wonderful gift we were given. If I could have gone back in time and had a perfectly normal sonogram, I would have chosen that path. But, once we were on this one, I never wanted to turn around and go back. 

For me, my prayers were answered. And I hope that my logical, somewhat unemotional, approach to life is not hurtful or insensitive to those I love. 

Thanks for listening!
~Erin